It was the first day of kindergarten, and I had a great day at school! I had a new backpack, dress and pencils; everything was going great. I was on my way to the park and was very excited to go play on the playground. However, I did not know the unfortunate event that was about to happen.
I ran up to the jungle gym, eager to go down the tall, shiny slide. My brother, Derek, was on the other end of the playground. The only ways to get there was to walk back down and take the stairs, or to cross on the monkey bars. I was willing to take a challenge, so I chose the monkey bars.
I reached out for the first bar and held on tight. As I reached for the second bar, I lost my balance and fell to the ground. I landed on top of my arm on the wood chips. My arm really hurt afterwards, so I went to the hospital shortly after I fell.
It turned out I had broken my wrist. I had to wear a cast (a pink one!) for a few weeks for my arm to heal. It was not the ending I had planned for my first day of kindergarten!
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Nice job, Lauren! I like the way you set up this narrative. However, once you got to the heart of the story, you abruptly ended it. When you work on this piece for a final draft, make sure you "explode the moment" of the fall itself and what happened afterwards. Good topic to choose!
ReplyDeleteI find this pice of writing interesting having never broken a bone before I am curios about how you do it. I love Laurens discription, I feel like I was there when it happened. I think she could have added a little bit more diolouge but understand why she didnt. I love this wonderful piece.
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